scoab

Dear Naproxen Sodium,

I really needed some help getting some sleep last night, and you said you contained a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug; which, while it could cause a host of unpleasant side effects (far too graphic to describe here), sounded like just the thing I needed to keep my back muscles from flipping around like a breathless salmon.

You see, I’ve been walking a lot lately, and I think my back muscles must be compensating for all of the extra work my legs have been doing. Or maybe I shouldn’t have tried lifting up that sleeping ostrich at the zoo. Regardless, my back hurt so bad I was having trouble inhaling.

The fact is, you really let me down.

I took the minimum recommended dose, then some time later I took a little more, but well within the safe-zone of your over-the-counter instructions. I might as well have saved some of the placebo I got when I had my wisdom teeth removed. At 2 in the morning, I reached the maximum dosage. While I did finally pass out, I think it was more from the pain.

So this is goodbye. I’m sure there are other ailments that are more suited to your talents, but I just can’t risk it. Your outer shell is quite shiny and attractive, but I need more than good looks when I finally break down and take some medicine.

Best Regards, and hopes for your continued placement on store shelves,
Jim Resident

This entry was posted on Monday, June 18th, 2007 at 10:00 pm and is filed under rant. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.